Kobe Bryant can talk to the cops voluntarily for over an hour, saying
whatever he wants while willingly handing over hair samples and a
T-shirt smeared with the alleged victim's blood. Yet because of our
planet's improper alignment at that moment, none of it should be
admissible in court.
Bean's lawyers also claim the disclosures made during his interview
were "intensely personal" and therefore should be thrown out as
evidence. Yet the alleged victim's mom should be forced to announce
for the world to hear any and all intimate and personal details shared
in confidence between her daughter and herself.
We have a system of justice that puts up with this kind of nonsense
here in Colorado while a circuit judge in Florida arbitrarily decides
- without holding a hearing - that there wasn't enough evidence to
return a probation violator to jail even though the sorry excuse for
human DNA had been arrested at least 13 times since 1993, once for
kidnapping and false imprisonment. Six weeks later an 11-year-old
child is abducted by this same animal and her brutalized body is
discovered in the bushes near a church parking lot.
What couch did we collectively sit down on and lose our sanity keys
that in the past we used to drive the car of common sense?
What puritanical trough have we been gorging ourselves on that causes
us to care more about Janet Jackson's nipple than the justice served
on America's plate?
How many more ugly metaphors must I come up with?
Just look at us. Some of you are offended having just read the word
"nipple," yet I have heard none complaining about Cialis ads run
during the Super Bowl. At least a dozen times we were subjected to
(WARNING: another potentially offensive word) "erectile dysfunction"
questions, and then during the small verbal print at the end of each
ad were told that this drug could last up to 36 hours, BUT any
erection lasting more than four hours should not be considered normal
and therefore would require immediate medical attention.
Yet we're OK with this? Erections are acceptable family topics, but
seeing a nipple will do irreparable damage to little Johnny's psyche?
If Jackson had a "wardrobe malfunction," then many Americans are
guilty of "common sense dysfunction." Our collective priorities are
much more out of sync than Justin Timberlake's lips or Kobe Bryant's
heavily bandaged shooting hand. (Yeah, put his hand through a garage
window while moving a box. You betcha. It happens all the time in
Celebrityville).
Many of us are wrapped so tight in faux wool blankets of
self-righteous indignation that we can't even feel our own nipples,
much less enjoy the sight of someone else's. For Pete's sake, go
anywhere in Europe and you're surrounded by nipples on the front pages
of newspapers, on every magazine stand in every gas station and on
dang near every TV station. Nipples are normal, folks. We all have
them, even us guys, although creationists have a helluva time
explaining why.
Get over it already.
On the other hand, if someone voluntarily says something to a cop,
then, unless they're claiming the werewolf clause, the time of day
they say it is irrelevant and they should be held accountable for what
they said. (All lawyers, ACLU members and other self-proclaimed legal
minds, please spare me your retorts; this is a rant based upon
emotion, not legislation).
If some loser has been arrested more times than the average TIVO owner
replayed a zoom-in of Jackson's nipple, then put the SOB in jail for
life. I don't want to hear any liberal whining about prisons being
overcrowded. Those who live there are criminals and they belong in
prison. If there are more bad people than room in prisons, then by all
means use my tax dollars to build a few more. Just try to think of it
as giving bad people a place to call home so good people can feel a
tad safer in theirs.
If a child wishes to confide to a parent about something - anything -
it is absolutely no business whatsoever to anyone except the parent
and the child. If the parent then decides to publicize the issue, then
that is their choice, not the option of some lunatic defense attorney
who would happily pull fingernails from small puppy paws if the
results would keep their client out of jail and her name on
"Entertainment Tonight."
This entire Kobe issue has turned from pathetically bad to an
undignified worse, and being offended by Janet Jackson's nipple is the
moral dilemma equivalency of debating skiers versus boarders.
Neither carry any weight whatsoever when compared to the stolen life
of an 11-year-old child that could have been prevented, had our
priorities been in proper alignment.
"Kobe's sick," defense attorney Pamela Mackey told the judge last
Monday morning. Truer words have never been spoken.
But unfortunately for us all, he is not alone.