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I have a slightly embarrassing and serious problem. For the past 2 months or so
I think my boss has been sexually harassing me. At first I just thought "wow he
sure is friendly" because he would always pass compliments to me. I didn't
really have a problem with it until he started to inconspicuously find ways to
touch me. He will rub up against me "accidentally" while we pass each other or
another thing that occurs a lot is he slides his hand across my butt. Of course
no one else sees this and if it didn't occur all the time I wouldn't normally
think anything of it. But, the fact is it happens A LOT and I feel so
embarrassed especially because he is a man and I am a man. What should I do? I
just got this job and love it (despite this situation) so I don't want to lose
it. At the same time I don't want this situation to continue or get worse. Can
anyone give me any legal advice about this situation or if anyones been in this
situation I would appreciate it.
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On 22 Nov 2004 06:15:53 GMT, lbh597@aol.com (LBH) wrote:
I have a slightly embarrassing and serious problem. For the past 2 months or so
I think my boss has been sexually harassing me. At first I just thought "wow he
sure is friendly" because he would always pass compliments to me. I didn't
really have a problem with it until he started to inconspicuously find ways to
touch me. He will rub up against me "accidentally" while we pass each other or
another thing that occurs a lot is he slides his hand across my butt. Of course
no one else sees this and if it didn't occur all the time I wouldn't normally
think anything of it. But, the fact is it happens A LOT and I feel so
embarrassed especially because he is a man and I am a man. What should I do? I
just got this job and love it (despite this situation) so I don't want to lose
it. At the same time I don't want this situation to continue or get worse. Can
anyone give me any legal advice about this situation or if anyones been in this
situation I would appreciate it.
There should be a written course of action in your employee handbook;
if not get in touch with your employment commision of your state.
If you post the state I can do the research for you
Have a Blessed Day
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On 22 Nov 2004, in law pertinent part, lbh597@aol.com (LBH) wrote:
For the past 2 months or so . . . my boss . . . started
to inconspicuously find ways to touch me. He will rub
up against me "accidentally" while we pass each other
or another thing that occurs a lot is he slides his hand
across my butt. * * * [I]t happens A LOT and I feel
so embarassed . . . . [but] I [love] this job . . . (despite
this situation) so I don't want to lose it . . . [yet also]
don't want this situation to continue or get worse. Can
anyone give me any legal advice about this situation . . . ?
What should I do?
Your query illustrates a too commonly made error of overlooking the
obvious -- here, that, while you reflect a general awareness of
statutory prohibitions, in principle, against adverse discriminatory
treatment in employment by reason of an employee's sex, you ask for
legal advice that you want to be reliable for you, in particular, but
without your having reported anything at all about what (if anything)
you, also in particular, have actually done:
First, as discreetly as practicable to have verified whether your
employer has in-place/articulated policies (e.g., as stated in
whatever if there is such is its equivalent of its "employee handbook"
or personnel manual, or the like) addressed to the making/processing
of employee grievances in general and for trying to resolve work-place
"sexual harassment" issues in particular, and so in your posting/query
you also don't say what (if there are any) these policies are said to
be;
Second, to have verified, by also well-focused yet also
paractically discreet inquiry, how fair-mindedly your employer's
record appears actually to be in applying (or disregarding?) whatever
are its such formally-stated polices, and so in your posting/query you
also don't say what a well-informed person reasonably ought estimate
would be your employer's response if you were to make a complaint in
accordance with whatever such policies prescribe;
Third, to have maintained an accurate even if informal
privately-made diary/log of the times/places when and nature of the
sorts of incidents you consider to be sex-based harassment, and so you
also don't say whether your supervisor is, if you will, a kind of
polymorphously perverse "equal opportunity"
hand-sliding-accross-butt-fondler without regard to the sex/gender of
the person he's "accidentally" touching (although whether he is also
can affect what if any law-redressable rights the affected employee
would have); and
Fourth (and yet, perhaps, above all), in light of what by way of
self-dilligent yet also practical efforts you've learned about "First"
and "Second" and "Third" above, first, to have as realistically as
possible estimated what the serially "accidental" toucher's response
probably would be if you were clearly and politely yet firmly to say
to him, f'r'instance (in substance if not in these exact words), that
whereas you love your job and thus also your professional affiliation
with him and look forward to continuing to work with him
professionally, the workplace relationship and your and his job
productivity will be not just facilitated but also enhanced from his
being aware that, whatever may have been his intent (or even if just
an "accident" lacking intent), you are uncomfortable by uninvited
touching and he therefore should make a conscientious effort to avoid
rubbing against you "accidentally" when you pass in the hallway and
from sliding his hand across your butt and, should not touch you in
this manner, then second, to have actually privately so said to him.
Your request for "legal advice" applicable directly to you ought
include your awareness that, if, as it were, law-related push came to
shove (whether or not arising from continued gentle but
sexually-harassing gentle butt-touching), you would be obliged to
provide fact-specific information that addresses each of the above
issues.
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Thanks for that advice. I didn't think about writing all the occurances down. I
still am a little uneasy about confronting him in private about this though.
What if he some how turns this against me? Have you heard of many cases where a
man is being harassed by his male boss? I mean is this common and/or even more
important, is it likely that if I do have to go to court about this, that I
will win?
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On 22 Nov 2004, lbh597@aol.com (LBH) wrote:
Thanks for that advice. I didn't think about writing
all the occurances down. I still am a little uneasy
about confronting him in private about this though.
What if he some how turns this against me? Have you
heard of many cases where a man is being harassed
by his male boss? I mean is this common and/or
even more important, is it likely that if I do have to
go to court about this, that I will win?
The "what if he turns against me?" and also whether it will be
"likely" that you "have to go to court" will depend very importantly
on your undertaking/doing the exercise I outlined (but ought not have
had to outline) for you conscientiously/realistically and in detail
(though, your "thanks" notwithstanding, your present follow-up
suggests you haven't yet thought sufficiently carefully about the
earlier summarized steps).
If there appear to be well-founded reasons to pursue a remedy pursuant
to (federal) Tit. VII or its state law analog if you are employed in a
state with such, it doesn't matter whether same-sex cases are "common"
but, rather, whether there is a probable such case at all (regardless
whether man-with-man or female-with-female or man-with-female), and so
your "is this common?" question remains at once probably irrelevant
and deflective.
Though male/male and femle/female employment discrimination cases are
less common than male/female or female/male ones, the underlying legal
question for federal Tit. VII and its state law analogs purposes will
be that I earlier summarized - namely,
Has there been adverse discriminatory job-
related treatment "by reason of" or "because
of" the respect parties' "sex"?
re. which, therefore, see again especially paras. "Third" and "First"
in my earlier response (particularly because, as earlier noted, and
quite apart from the man-with-man Thing, even if you have been
experiencing deliberate butt-touching/fondling instead of what really
has been accidental touching, you still haven't said that your boss
doesn't [mis]behave similarly as against female employees).
I've already addressed the "will [you] win?" question to the extent
that your postings/query enable so doing.
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If there appear to be well-founded reasons to pursue a remedy pursuant
to (federal) Tit. VII or its state law analog if you are employed in a
state with such, it doesn't matter whether same-sex cases are "common"
but, rather, whether there is a probable such case at all (regardless
whether man-with-man or female-with-female or man-with-female), and so
your "is this common?" question remains at once probably irrelevant
and deflective.
I beg to differ. I had a friend that had a similar occurance happen to
him at his workplace. It does matter if it's the same sex - especially
male-male. Things turned out horrible for my friend. He had even been
at his job for a year and had put up with it for quite a while before
he spoke up about it. Then his boss denied everything and the fact
that his boss was married and wasn't perceived to be gay made it hard
for anyone to believe my friends accusations against him. I say ignore
it. If no one else sees it, then you shouldn't be embarassed and also
because of the fact that no one else sees it, you will not have hard
core evidence for it. Besides, putting food on the table is much more
important.
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