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This is my situation - We've been married for 13 years. I am a non
drinker, non smoker, Mr. mom who has been the home based parent to
raise my two daughters age 9 and 11. She has worked outside of the
home we live in which is owned by her off site mother.
I have never been abusive or unfaithful. She has been unfaithful and
currently has two boyfriends. Most nights she does not sleep at home
but rather goes to her boyfriends after my girls are asleep.
She now wants to divorce me which oddly enough does not bother me so
much because I lost faith in her years ago after she cheated on my the
first time.
What does bother me is that she wants me out of the condo on the first
of January with nothing but the cloths on my back and this does not
even bother me so much although the idea of being homeless is
disturbing. The thing that bothers me most is her bad judgement and my
fear of how she will act and who she may have spending the night. My
girls are still young enough so that at times they will be afraid and
want to come and sleep with us. I hate to think of what damage could
be caused if her drunk mother and boyfriend are in the bed.
I know i should be more upset about how shafted i'm getting by her but
i have no money and her mother owns the condo.
I am trying to absorb any of the negativity so that my girls will not
have to experience the pain and battle of divorce the way I had to with
my parents. She is from a non divorced home and never saw these things.
I see no options but to leave quietly on the 1st so that my girls think
everything is OK with me and then try to find a shelter somewhere so I
don't freeze (Chicago) but even this scenario bothers me because I
don't want anyone to think that I am voluntarily leaving my girls.
I know this is messed up so I thought I'd ask you all for advice
because though i know allot about technology even though I'm unemployed
- I don't know enough about this stuff.
Also does anyone know of any types of jobs that a young looking 40 year
old guy can get to make money - like driving taxi's or something just
so I don't have to live on the street too long.
Also if anyone needs a tech guru I'd be happy to send you my resume -
I'm incredibly available, in fact i can live next to the machines if
you need 24 hour support. Ms.Ed and BA
Thank you
javaem@yahoo.com
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Javaem,
Find a lawyer now and get some advice. You really give no reason why you
are moving out and I would advise against it. It sounds as if your wife does
have places that she can stay and you do not.
Good luck,
Dave M.
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DON'T LEAVE. See an attorney right away, and don't be cheap about it.
If she's the one working and you're not she will most likely be ordered
to pay for both your attorney and her own. Depending on which state
you live in you could be entitled to spousal support. I also think you
should go for full custody.
Mez
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DON'T LEAVE. See an attorney right away, and don't be cheap about it.
If she's the one working and you're not she will most likely be ordered
to pay for both your attorney and her own. Depending on which state
you live in you could be entitled to spousal support. I also think you
should go for full custody.
I'm sensible
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javaem@yahoo.com wrote:
This is my situation - We've been married for 13 years. I am a non
drinker, non smoker, Mr. mom who has been the home based parent to
raise my two daughters age 9 and 11. She has worked outside of the
home we live in which is owned by her off site mother.
<<major snippage>>
As others have said, DO NOT leave, and get a good lawyer ASAP. I just
want to add that in this day and age there should be no discrimination
based on gender, and since YOU have been the primary
caregiver/child-raiser, you should seek sole custody. Also, since your
wife has been the breadwinner while you've stayed home taking care of
the kids, you should seek--fight for it if you have to--the right to
stay in the home you and your kids have been living in.
FWIW, I'm a woman [who strongly believes in EQUAL rights], and I am not
a lawyer.
--
FREE "Bushisms" screensavers: www.smartassproducts.com/downloads.shtml
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How can he stay if the mother in law owns the condo?
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I haven't left - I managed to talk her into a two week extension in
exchange for acting like a slave and being talked to like a piece of
crap. In the meantime I'm trying to covertly gain knowledge and
representation. One thing I just did - because she's at her boyfriends
- is a record search on her name at the county website.
It appears that the condo I have been led to believe was her parents
has a record with her name on it as the grantor of the deed in 2000.
I'm no legal expert but it seems to me that this means that she owned
it. Then I looked at the date around when it was purchased and it has
her father's name as the grantor.
Am I getting shafted here again? She seems to have money to burn on
herself so I originally went there with the thought that maybe her
father left her something when he died a couple of years ago and that's
what led me to the other stuff. I know he had a couple hundred
thousand in cash.
If this condo was given to her - or us for all I know - in the middle
of our marriage, could it be considered a marital asset that she could
just sell to her mom on the sly?
It seems the plot indeed thickens and maybe I do have a leg to stand
on.
Any feedback would be welcome.
Thank you again
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Big Bizarre Update
I have discovered some more interesting things and I would like
feedback if possible. Apparently this Condo was owned without
encumbrance by my wife and possibly me as well - I have not seen the
details of the document, only that it at least had her name as the
owner.
I have since discovered that the reason the wife transferred ownership
to the mother in law was so that the wife could apply for a section 8
housing thing that would be paid to the mother in law to the tune of
around 800 dollars a month for the last 4 years.
Of course I never knew any of this, all I have ever been told was that
her mother owned the condo and I should kiss her ass.
Oddly enough as fate in this case seems to be helping me along with all
of you - yesterday I opened up the trunk of the car and sitting right
there was a paper from the Illinois State Housing Assistance people
from Nov. 11th to verify the amounts of money that were being sent to
the mother in law monthly and to ask permission if the information
should be forwarded to the Illinois Energy Assistance program people to
get more money for the utilities during winter. The paper was hand
signed by the mother in law and apparently the wife forgot to put it in
the mail.
Right next to that was a notebook with a three page letter written to
the wife's boyfriend detailing their affair for the last 4 months and
how she couldn't wait for me to leave.
I felt it was best to confiscate the material so I put it in an
envelope and mailed it to my father.
** I still have not been able to find a lawyer to represent me in this
so if anyone knows one that can operate in Du page County, IL pro bono
or without money up front please let me know.
Thank you
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I have discovered some more interesting things and I would like
feedback if possible. Apparently this Condo was owned without
encumbrance by my wife and possibly me as well - I have not seen the
details of the document, only that it at least had her name as the
owner.
I have since discovered that the reason the wife transferred ownership
to the mother in law was so that the wife could apply for a section 8
housing thing that would be paid to the mother in law to the tune of
around 800 dollars a month for the last 4 years.
Of course I never knew any of this, all I have ever been told was that
her mother owned the condo and I should kiss her ass.
Oddly enough as fate in this case seems to be helping me along with all
of you - yesterday I opened up the trunk of the car and sitting right
there was a paper from the Illinois State Housing Assistance people
from Nov. 11th to verify the amounts of money that were being sent to
the mother in law monthly and to ask permission if the information
should be forwarded to the Illinois Energy Assistance program people to
get more money for the utilities during winter. The paper was hand
signed by the mother in law and apparently the wife forgot to put it in
the mail.
Right next to that was a notebook with a three page letter written to
the wife's boyfriend detailing their affair for the last 4 months and
how she couldn't wait for me to leave.
I felt it was best to confiscate the material so I put it in an
envelope and mailed it to my father.
** I still have not been able to find a lawyer to represent me in this
so if anyone knows one that can operate in Du page County, IL pro bono
or without money up front please let me know.
Thank you
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