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I am a divorced 47 year old male. Literally after 26 years of formal
education (2 doctorates, two fellowships), starting my own business,
and alot of hard work, I earn a mid-six figure income. Since I was
divorced a year ago, all my retirement and savings went to my ex-wife.
I kept the home and the business. I am basically starting all over
again with savings and retirement. I have a steady girlfriend, who is
26 years old, and really would like to get married. I am not adverse
to being married, I am just fearful, that at this stage of my life, I
cannot afford the financial losses of another divorce. My girlfriend
is unemployed, has no career ambitions, and wants to start a family.
There is no way that I would consider getting married without a
prenuptial agreement. If my girlfriend and I were to get married,
clearly even if our income were not divided 50/50, financially she
would be doing much much better than not being married to me. Can two
parties agree that income is not split 50/50 (i.e. I would like to
place a higher percentage of income than would be allocated for her
toward retirement, since I am so much closer to retirement). Also, I
would stipulate that my business is mine and mine alone, since it
existed, was developed prior to my current relationship. I do not have
a problem with 50/50 sharing of assets not devoted to retirement.
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I read some of your earlier posts and although this doesn't have
anything to do with your question I thought I'd point out that there
are "Red flags" all over the place..."
Re-read this post:
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/soc.couples/browse_frm/thread/d69d24867266bd1f/165035d8422027eb?q=&rnum=10&hl=en#165035d8422027eb
Do you really want to get invloved with this person to the extent that
you are suggesting?
My gut feeling is that you're treading REALLY dangerous ground and are
probably looking at a repeat of your last marriage.
Do yourself some justice and take a little time to go out with several
people...26 is really young...too young...
Good luck.
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taegu2@aol.com wrote:
I am a divorced 47 year old male. Literally after 26 years of formal
You can stipulate anything you want in a prenup, even to such personal
matters as frequency of ...well, you know, and even limits on personal
freedoms such as the weight of the partners. Seriously.
To avoid later contesting of the prenup just be sure that each party has
their own lawyer, that you make full disclosure of all assets, and that
negotiations over the prenup are conducted well ahead of the wedding so
as to avoid 'signature under distress'. Get it signed before you set a
wedding date and you'll be fine.
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I found a few more for you...
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/soc.couples/browse_frm/thread/eb219360caae91f3/e9e1e16aa6c46ce6?q=&rnum=21#e9e1e16aa6c46ce6
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/soc.singles/browse_frm/thread/438e8af3ce9b86de/1604d5914e6860a4?q=&rnum=20#1604d5914e6860a4
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/alt.support.divorce/browse_frm/thread/9989efc195ab41ee/4e2a07d5ba0401e1?q=&rnum=58#4e2a07d5ba0401e1
There's still time...save yourself! :)
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You need a lawyer. Actually, you need two, one for you and one for her.
You can both agree to an uneven split of assets in the case of a divorce.
But you'll want to jump through a set of hoops to insure that your new
wife entered into the agreement willingly and completely informed. For
instance, I read about a case where the groom shoved a prenup at the
bride 15 minutes before the ceremony. She signed, they got married, then
they got divorced, and the prenup was tossed. The court found that the
bride was under too much pressure to enter into the agreement freely.
Your lawyer can advise you on not commingling assets in such a way
that undercuts the prenup. If you're living with your girlfriend, you'll
want the agreement whether or not you get married.
Bear in mind that your prenup probably won't override any inheritance
laws in your state or limit the amount of child support you'd be on the
hook for,
That said:
You're a 47-year-old professional, and you want to marry someone
about half your age who has no job and no ambitions? You're not
married yet, but you're already worried about divorce? Your girlfriend
wants kids, who will be entering college about the time you're
collecting Social Security? May I ask a personal question?
Don't you think you should have your head examined?
*** I am not a lawyer, so this can't be legal advice. ***
I am a divorced 47 year old male. Literally after 26 years of formal
education (2 doctorates, two fellowships), starting my own business,
and alot of hard work, I earn a mid-six figure income. Since I was
divorced a year ago, all my retirement and savings went to my ex-wife.
I kept the home and the business. I am basically starting all over
again with savings and retirement. I have a steady girlfriend, who is
26 years old, and really would like to get married. I am not adverse
to being married, I am just fearful, that at this stage of my life, I
cannot afford the financial losses of another divorce. My girlfriend
is unemployed, has no career ambitions, and wants to start a family.
There is no way that I would consider getting married without a
prenuptial agreement. If my girlfriend and I were to get married,
clearly even if our income were not divided 50/50, financially she
would be doing much much better than not being married to me. Can two
parties agree that income is not split 50/50 (i.e. I would like to
place a higher percentage of income than would be allocated for her
toward retirement, since I am so much closer to retirement). Also, I
would stipulate that my business is mine and mine alone, since it
existed, was developed prior to my current relationship. I do not have
a problem with 50/50 sharing of assets not devoted to retirement.
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Taegu,
I think that before you marry you will wish to have someone familiar with
your local laws and customs help to draw up a pre-nuptial agreement. Look in
the phone book for a lawyer.
Your focus on establishing that income, rather than common property be
divided unevenly strikes me as odd. It is a fact in most marriages that the
income of the partners is different, this doesn't seem worth mentioning in
an agreement.
You are intending to marry someone who does not work and wishes to "start
a family" so in the event if a divorce it would be reasonable for her to
seek alimony and child support. You probably can not address child support
but you may wish to discuss alimony in your agreement.
You mention "retirement". I presume you are referring to retirement
funds. It's not clear how you plan to separate income into retirement and
non-retirement components. I'd advise against doing this since it may seem
difficult to separate the two in a reasonable fashion.
I agree with you that a listing of the assets that you bring into the
marriage (your business) would be wise.
Good luck,
Dave M.
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I am a divorced 47 year old male. Literally after 26 years of formal
education (2 doctorates, two fellowships), starting my own business,
and alot of hard work, I earn a mid-six figure income. Since I was
divorced a year ago, all my retirement and savings went to my ex-wife.
I kept the home and the business. I am basically starting all over
again with savings and retirement. I have a steady girlfriend, who is
26 years old, and really would like to get married. I am not adverse
to being married, I am just fearful, that at this stage of my life, I
cannot afford the financial losses of another divorce. My girlfriend
is unemployed, has no career ambitions, and wants to start a family.
There is no way that I would consider getting married without a
prenuptial agreement. If my girlfriend and I were to get married,
clearly even if our income were not divided 50/50, financially she
would be doing much much better than not being married to me. Can two
parties agree that income is not split 50/50 (i.e. I would like to
place a higher percentage of income than would be allocated for her
toward retirement, since I am so much closer to retirement). Also, I
would stipulate that my business is mine and mine alone, since it
existed, was developed prior to my current relationship. I do not have
a problem with 50/50 sharing of assets not devoted to retirement.
I can think of quite a few actors, business executives, etc., who marry
women half their age, and everything turns out O.K. But then I can think of
others where things go wrong. Perhaps this is too simplistic, but I believe
it will work only when the male in the relationship has lots of money,
enough money so that the female will want to stick around a long time, and
also enough so that a divorce would not lead to ruin. But from what you say,
you do not have that degree of wealth, since you worry about your
retirement. So I would say you are taking an enormous risk.
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My girlfriend is unemployed, has no career ambitions, and wants
to start a family. There is no way that I would consider getting
married without a prenuptial agreement.
Just keep in mind that the courts will essentially ignore all language
regarding children. For instance, if you include language to the
effect that you will not be responsible for any child care obligations
in the future, the court will ignore that and impose what it considers
to be fair during any future divorce proceedings.
Pete
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You can stipulate anything you want in a prenup, even to such
personal matters as frequency of ...well, you know, and even
limits on personal freedoms such as the weight of the partners.
Those provisions are generally unenforceable. Your only real
option is divorce. Prenupts are best saved for financial matters.
Pete
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